Why PETA is crazy

In honor of PETA's 30th Anniversary, I have decided to call them crazy. Here's why:

Sea Kittens?

Someone had the idea that if we change the name fish to 'sea kitten', people wouldn't eat them. The argument goes something like this:
You wouldn't eat a kitten, would you eat a sea kitten?

I would not eat a kitten, the amount of time it would take to butcher one would not be worth the 2 oz of meat it would yield. If kittens were bigger, I would not hesitate to eat them.

Sea Kittens



The worst part about how PETA approached this was their Sea Kitten Stories.





Apparently, fish sea kittens can use language, read, write, build structures, make clothing, and understand sophisticasted anatomical functions. They can do this without opposable thumbs, or arms. Clearly, eating a fish is the same as eating a human, or some kind of super-intellegent sci-fi kitten land fish.

I say to PETA-

If you think it's wrong to eat fish, make reasonable statements about why you feel that way. Don't make up stupid lies about fish in the hopes you can manipulate people. That makes you a jerk and a purveyor of lies. Filthy. Deceiftul. Lies.


It's OK to exploit women

Eating dairy puts cows in a bad situation, they have to be milked and live on farms. It's wrong to exploit them like that. However, according a 2008 press release, it's OK to exploit human women for their milk. PETA sent a letter to the makers of Ben & Jerry's asking them to use human milk instead of cow milk in their ice cream.

Seriously, they did.

In 2008, Ben & Jerry's was using the milk of 25,000 cows (source). If a cow produces less than 15 liters a day, it is not economically viable (source). So we could assume that Ben & Jerry's was using about 375,000 liters (99,064 gallons) a day. It is my understanding that most women do not produce more than 35 oz (about a liter) in a 24 hour period. 375,000 women would be needed to make ice cream.

25,000 cows = 375,000 women

That means there would have to be women dairies. While they would probably smell better than a cow dairy, I would have to wager that exploiting women for their milk is much less ethical than exploiting cows. Can you image the FDA regulations these women would be placed under?

I say to PETA-

Don't be stupid. This idea is dumber than the one I had about making a movie of Pride and Prejudice staring Anna Nicole Smith, Pamela Anderson, Jean-Claude van Damme and Steven Segal.


Your Family members are murderers

Your dad is a killer

I'll bet you never realized that a murderer dwells within the walls of your house. A remorseless killer with a taste for blood uses your bathroom and leaves his socks on the floor. It's...your dad? If your dad has ever gone fishing, he is a killer. In the same way that Jeffery Dahmer is a killer. Repeat- there is no difference between your dad and Jeffery Dahmer.

I say to PETA-

Really, traumatizing kids? Making them think their parents are killers? How does that help animals?

Maybe you should tell them that Santa has brutally enslaved his reindeer and he eats them when they get old. Also, he hates ice cream and summer vacation.






Animals are not like people

So, this doesn't really have anything to do with PETA, but it's about animals and it's stupid.

  1. We do feed our kids dried food in bags. We call it cereal.
  2. Dogs don't need fancy food because
  3. Dogs will eat cow crap. In fact, they love it. I grew up on a cattle ranch and every time a dog was out in the fields it was like an endless buffet of crap feasting. Every time, every dog.

My final word to PETA-

It is clear that you don't care about animals. You care about being contraversial and getting attention. You are like an even lamer version of Yoko Ono.

June 2009