| Super Bowl |
The Oscars |
| Pre-show |
| Sports casters tell back stories of athletes, bits of interviews, players say things like, "We've been working really hard all season and we're here to win this thing!" |
Gossip journalists talking to stars, stars say things like "This is my first nomination, I'm just so excited to be here, I'm wearing Vera Wang." |
| Pre-show analysis |
| "Well, [team A] has had an unbeatable defense all season, I'm not sure [team B] can really break through that defensive wall." |
"Ok, so, [movie A] had such an amazing plot and cinematography, but [movie B] had such incredible acting." |
| Food |
| "Got all my favorites here: chili, pizza rolls, pork rinds, nachos, taquitos, pizza and beer." |
"Mmmm...Steve! This creme brulee you brought is faaaabulous!" |
| During the show |
| Sports casters tell you what you're watching, say obvious things, and blabber to fill time. |
Hosts tell you what you're watching, make terrible jokes, but sometimes do sensational musical numbers. |
| |
| "What the ****! How did you miss that pass! I bet $400 on this game!" |
"This is Marisa Tomei all over again...sigh." |
| |
| "Oh...oh...yes! Wooooooooooo! |
"Oh, she totally deserved it, I've thought she was fantastic for years. They'd be crazy not to give her one." |
| Homo-eroticism |
| Men playing on the field spank each other. |
Men watching at home spank each other. |
| Winners |
| Players say incoherent things about the game and thank their mothers and God. |
Actors say incoherent things about their movie and thank their mothers and God. |
| Post-show analysis |
| People spend days discussing the plays and what went wrong and why that quarterback is a crapbag. |
People spend days discussing outfits and how that one actor was robbed and that the whole thing was rigged. |
