Nasal Spray Made from Peppers?

I have a confession. My sinuses are defective. I have sinus infections all the time. Because of nasal polyps I don't smell anything, ever. I spend a lot of time taking antibiotics and steroids. I don't like the steroids-I don't care what the doctors say, even in small doses I get roid rage. So, I'm always looking for ways to avoid the drugs (the legal ones anyway). I occasionally search the internet for new and innovative ways I can clear up my nose without roid rage.

I like the neti pot. At first it seems a bit gross - water goes in one nostril and comes out of the other. It really does keep you nose clean. It also makes you look cool. Really cool! Remember back in the 40's and 50's when actors could look cool by smoking? I think in a few years we will see actors using a neti pot to appear cooler and sexier.

My latest sinus discovery has left me a little confused. It's called Sinus Buster. Apparently it is a nasal spray made from peppers. That's right, peppers. At first, the neti pot only seemed disgusting. However, shooting pepper up your nose seems potentially hazardous. I mean, they make pepper spray out of peppers and that hurts when the women you approached to ask directions on how to get to the bus station for your 11:35 pm train sprays it at you, slaps you, screams and runs away. It hurts. It really hurts. I realize that the nasal spray is probably not the same thing as pepper spray, but it would still be shooting peppers up your nose.

My research into the product shows the inventor, Wayne Perry, taught self-defense. During a pepper spray demonstration some of the spray went up his nose. He had a cluster headache and nasal blockage at the time. He purports the pepper spray took away the headache and opened his nasal passage. In a lot of ways this makes sense. Eating spicy food does make your nose run. If Sinus Buster were only marketed for sinus problems it would probably make sense to me. However, Sinus Buster has formulas for:

  • allergy
  • anti-cold
  • headache
  • mild
  • stop smoking
  • weight control
  • women's health
  • men's health

How would peppers stop you from smoking? Does it burn your lungs, making the pain of smoking unbearable? The woman's health formula says it relieves the pain of PMS. Is that because you don't notice the cramps when the inside of your head is on fire? What is 'mild'? I'm sorry I can't come to work today because I have a screaming case of the milds.

What's next in the Sinus Buster line?

'My eyes sure are dry. Good thing I have Eye Buster, the only eye drops made from pepper!'

'Bad news: the colonoscopy shows that I have colon cancer. Good news: the doctor prescribed Colon Buster with the proven power of Habanero peppers. It comes in this convenient home enema kit.'

'In my job, I get a lot of paper cuts. That's why I'm glad there's Wound Buster, the only antibacterial ointment made with peppers. It cleans and cauterizes!'

'Do you suffer with genital lice? Not anymore! Now there's Crabs Buster*! It's the only genital lice formula that uses jalepeno peppers to kill lice and keep them away!'

*May cause sexual dysfunction. Some patients report a complete loss of libido and an inability to urinate.

September 2007