Stuff about America Quiz!

True or false statements to determine how much you know about the land of George Washington and Yoko Ono!


Americans who lived before 1941 didn't love America as much as we do.

See Answer

True. The 4th of July was not a paid federal holiday until 1941. Before then Congress wasn't concerned about celebrating their nation's birthday. In 1870 it became and unpaid federal holiday, making it no better than Columbus Day (unless you work at a bank) or Martin Luther King Jr. Day (if you're a racist).


American citizens have always saluted the flag by putting their hands on their hearts.

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False. Francis Bellamy, author of the original pledge, suggested something he called the 'Bellamy Salute'. It looks freaky now only because Hitler ruined it. He also ruined my favorite style of mustache.

Bellamy salute


Clinton was our most scandalous perv president.

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False. It's true that Clinton had his share of pervy scandals, but check out Warren G Harding. He had two big affairs while president. One of his concubines got pictures and threatened blackmail. She must have been a genius because she's the only person in history who has been able to extort the Republican Party for a crapload of money. There are rumors that Harding fathered a child in a whitehouse closet and kept prostitutes on hand for visitors. Don't forget the Teapot Dome Scandal. He also is responsible for turning Jews and Muslims against each other and contintental drift.


The tune for "Star-Spangled Banner" came from an old German Folksong.

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False. The tune really comes from an English drinking song entitled "The Anacreontic Song." Now when you sing the anthem you can think about Englishmen in a pub, eating bland British food and how much you hate them.


Thomas Jefferson was a soulless puppy-crushing monster.

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True-if you were a Puritan. See, Jefferson wasn't a very good Christian. Mostly because he wasn't actually Christian. He edited the gospels and created the Jefferson Bible. He took out all the supernatural and divinity of Jesus parts. When he was elected, Puritans hid and buried their Bibles for fear that Thomas Jefferson would take them away. Yeah, Puritans are crazy.


There was a time when it was easy for veterans to get benefits.

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False. We should be nicer to veterans. By we I mean the government. During Hoover's presidency there was a Bonus Army who wanted benefits that were promised so they camped out at the whitehouse. Eventually, the military removed them by force. It was at that point the government and veterans decided not to be BFFs.


George W. Bush is the current president.

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True. I know you were expecting a twist, but I just threw this in to make dumb people feel better.


Susan B Anthony was the first woman on American currency.

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False. In 1886, Martha Washington was featured on the $1 Silver Certificate. Susan B Anthony was lame. I mean, we all know women's brains weren't made to handle complex issues like voting. That's also why they can't do math or own land.


Members of the first Continental Congress had telepathy and could fly.

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False. Duh, everyone knows that only The Knights of Columbus can do stuff like that.

July 2008