Diary of Fanny Mendelssohn

People are, like, so stupid, I swear

Like, I swear, I don't understand people sometimes. I was totally practicing the pianoforte and like, minding my own business when my annoying rodent brother comes in and is all, "Dad said I can publish but you can't because you're a girl!" so I'm all "Whatever, like anyone would publish anything you would write, loser." It was like so annoying.

But I was totally bummed by not being able to publish, I was like, "Like why should he be able to publish and not me?" I was like, so perplexed. So I decided to talk to my grandpa because he's this old wise dude that is, like really smart. I go up to him and I'm all, "Why shouldn't I be able to like publish?" and he's all " Blah, blah, blah (something in Hebrew) " and I'm all, "Grandpa we converted to Christianity, remember, we wanted to fit in." So he like didn't have anything to say and after, like two minutes of bizarre awkward silence he asked me if I would like, bake him a strudel, and I was all, like, "No way."

So then, you won't believe this, my dad's friend Goethe comes over, he is this totally gross, creepy perv that writes all these weird poems that are supposed to be, like amazing, but they stink and people are too polite to tell him he's, like this total moronic loser. So he comes in and is all, "Hi Fanny, why don't you run along and play with some of your cute baby dollies, your daddy and I have big grown up things to talk about." And I was like, um, I'm fourteen. People are so stupid, like, I swear.


Goethe: Totally gross, creepy perv.


Fanny: Like, whatever.

July 2005