Those Twilight Books Are Dangerous!

Last Halloween, I tipped off everyone to the dangers of Harry Potter books. This year, there is a new set of books designed to corrupt our children. The Twilight Series is the name given to these evil volumes. They were written to fill young girl's heads with crazy ideas about relationships. In the books, a young girl named Bella falls in love with a vampire named Edward. But we soon learn that having a relationship with an undead bloodsucking monster is not as glamorous as one may think.

Bella saw Edward at school one day and thought he was hot. Apparently she loved his smoldering eyes - smoldering with the hellfire of damnation if you ask me. Eventually, they started hanging out (Ice Cream Socials, Prom, etc). The whole time Edward was having wicked thoughts about killing her and gorging himself on her blood. Don't think that Bella was innocent. She spent the whole time letting her blood pump, giving Edward a cheap show everytime he was around. She also had unclean thoughts about copulating.

The more time they spent together the less healthy their relationship became. Edward treated Bella poorly and she took it because he's hot. At one point, the following conversation occurs: ( I have paraphrased)
Edward: "um...your blood smells really good and day I might kill you."
Bella: "Ok, I'm not scared. You're hot."

If a boy threatens to kill you, you should probably break up with him. Stepanie Meyers would have teenage girls believe men can treat them however they want when they're dating. Shame on her. When you marry a man it's true that you become his property and, according to the law, you have to put up with him and do what he says, but not when you're dating.

Let this be a lesson to you young girls. There are two kinds of men you should avoid:

  1. Jerkwad boys who treat you like crap.
  2. Undead creatures from the abode of the damned who treat you like crap.

If you want your girls to have healthy relationships, don't let them read Twilight. It's best to just let girls read the Bible- that's the way to learn proper feminine behavior. If your daughter is rebelious and insists on reading something 'racy', may I suggest Nancy Drew Mysteries.

October 2008